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My daughter is dating a muslim

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I Married a Muslim: Katrina's Incredible Story

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SCOTT ROSS: You finally divorced Mohammed. Id become a Muslim. Patience gains all things.

KATRINA'S MOTHER: Id say youre about to get into the most awful mess you ever got into in your life. If he wants to marry you then he will work with you.

I Married a Muslim: Katrina's Incredible Story

Question: I have a daughter who was dating a non-Jewish guy. In order to be with him and out of our disapproving sight she moved far away. Now she wants to come back home. We are willing to accept her, but not if she is willing to hold on emotionally to this young man. We stand firm in that if he is not a Jew then we can't see her being with him. I am not sure what to do, as I do love my daughter, but not her choice for a possible husband. How do I keep the doors open to my daughter without being too harsh? Answer: You walk a tightrope with your child. On the one hand you must keep the doors of your relationship open, while on the other hand you cannot approve of her doing something that will be terribly detrimental for herself and her future. It is hard to advise you regarding your particular situation without being familiar with the particulars of your individual situation. Additionally, you do not clarify if she still wants to be with this boy, or if her return home is indicating her realizing her mistake. However, I will offer some general advice which is germane to basically all instances such as this. For more personalized advice, speak to your local rabbi or spiritual mentor to find a rabbi in your area. Our sages describe the general attitude we must have towards our children—the right hand must bring close showers with love and affection , while the left hand pushes away disciplines. Meaning, we behave in a dual mode. We shower them with warmth, acceptance and love, both emotionally as well as practically, in all areas. We encourage them to develop themselves, praise them for their talents and abilities, and demonstrate to them regularly how proud we are of them and how much we love them. This has to be eminently clear to them. But from the other hand, we are very firm in our beliefs and in our expectations of our children. We decide what is essentially important for them, and we do not bend at all. In this case, it would be the decision that your daughter not marry a non-Jew, or continue in her relationship with him. I want to emphasize that your daughter must feel that your decisions and attitude are based on HER and her good, and never YOU. This means that you are not acting based on your personal feelings of what people will say, how it will affect you or your own status in your community etc. It is a huge difference to a child, and our children immediately sense your motives, and react accordingly. If they believe we are acting in their best interests, they are more likely to accept our decisions. As well, it is important to realize that she is no longer a child who just accepts, but must understand WHY you have come to your decision, and in turn reach the same decision herself. So, if marrying a non-Jew is an absolute no to you, it is time for you and your family to explore more about what makes you Jewish and practice being Jewish. You and she have to be very clear on what is wrong with marrying a non-Jew and why. Children cannot accept contradictions—that a parent does not live Jewishly but then demands that they marry Jewishly. Ultimately, the more Jewishly you, your family and your daughter live, the less of a likelihood that she will want to marry someone who is not Jewish, because her Jewishness will really matter to her and become integral to her life. Wishing you success in the days ahead, Chana Weisberg for Chabad. I met my husband 13 years ago, and we share four kids together. At first my father had a really hard time accepting him, but than understood that there is nothing he can do to separate us. I do have to say that I miss the warmth of the holidays and the food preparation before shabbat.. My in-laws have a very hard time accepting me, beings that I'm not a a believer. We really don't get each other a whole lot. They try to take the kids to church when being told no and no time and time again. It's exhausting constantly fighting for what you believe in, but I chose it and this is the price I have to pay. There is nothing like worrying about your children, and grand-children. Anne Aberdeeb, NJ USA April 7, 2012 My son is dating a Jewish girl If I weren't so religious I would end my life. I don't blame the Jews for wanting their children to Marry thier own kind. That is what I want to. She is a nice girl but I don;'t want her for my son. My heart is breaking I wish to God I don't wake up. Like Mel Brooks mom or Grandmother said she would put her head in the oven. Well I don't blame her I feel like doing the same.. My son knows how I feel and I guess killing his mother doesn't seem to bother him much. I am absolutely devistated as they are talking about marriage. I will of course bow out It will break my heart but I have to stick to my beliefs. She lives with my Ex, a Jew who couldn't care less about judaism. I am modern orthodox. I told my daughter how I felt and expressed that her background, culture, herritage and faith are a beautiful gift that we received from G-d and passed down from our ancestors, and to throw it all away would be arrogant. I further told her that marrying a non-Jew would be the biggest punishment for me and that she will have to compromise the rest of her life. I also made it very clear that I will categorically not be part of that life. Millions of people stood before firing squads and were marched into gas chambers and never gave up their faith. Ellie Burl, Canada August 24, 2009 I am a Child of an Inter-faith Marriage... Thank your G-d my parents never subscribed to this dogma, or I would not be here, and neither would my children. I would never have experienced a happy marriage or motherhood. Religion is the root of all discord. I am considered Jewish by birth most definitely not by belief as I subscribe to none. I've seen the turmoil these judgments put on others. I was subjected to the frowns as the child of such union, NOT by gentile relatives - but by my jewish relatives!!!! It is not the choice to marry a non-jew. It is those outside of that relationship that cause the problems. None of you have the right to fight against discrimination while you participate in it yourselves. Don't hide behind the Torah like cowards, righteously claiming it as G-d's law when our enemies have rationalized the same in the past with their books of dogma and succeeded in wiping out entire families!!!! Shame on all of you for continuing this! Anonymous Fort Collins, CO July 2, 2009 Yikes This topic is getting rather hot-under-the-collar. I see a lot of postings here by non-Jews. While there is nothing wrong with that, per se, the lack of understanding of Jewish law and what tradition actually means, Webster's doesn't quite define it in Jewish terms! Searching for truths outside of Judaism, is not a part of Judaism. Those quoting this as a way of religious life are not living a Jewish life. That isn't a judgment, just a statement of fact. If you want to be Jewish, then follow Jewish law and live a Jewish life. Otherwise don't call yourself Jewish... Anonymous Greenwich, CT, US June 30, 2009 Consider carefully As a child of intermarriage, I can tell you that your daughter will be placing a burden on your grandkids. My parents encouraged us to identify as Jewish, and my maternal grandparents were wonderful, observant Jews who had a big impact on us as children. Still, of the six kids, only two see the inside of a shul, one is a Xtian, and the others do not follow any religion. Anonymous Accord, NY June 7, 2009 Intermarriage The biggest mistake I ever made in my life was to marry outside my faith! The heartache that comes during the years is intolerable. My son is being raised Jewish but with a lot of heartache. After 6 million Jews were annihilated during the Holocaust you wonder why we are concerned about maintaining our lineage? So there is definitely an inherent bias. Spare yourself the misery and marry within your own faith and be proud of Judaism and its rich heritage. Spend time daily with Gd about this. Your grandchildren-in the future-need to learn about Gd and his rules and to love Him with all their heart. Your holidays and celebrations are sacred, when you mix with an unbeliever, it all becomes a burden and the childen, whom we are accountable for, will eventually be lukewarm in their religion. Tell you daughter, that her God and her beliefs come first. And blessings always follow when you honor your parents. Kevin March 9, 2009 sorry judaism, chrisianity, islam... We are people, who cares who your daughter is dating... That should your first question. Your telling me you would rather your daughter marry a disgusting Jew, who beats her every night, rather than a good and gentle christian or muslim boy. This is what is wrong with the world, people give other people a label, a tag and sees them as different and untouchable. This is one of many disgusting features to religion and the world we live in. Anonymous Fort Collins, Colorado November 13, 2007 The year has nothing to do with it While I agree that it is right to welcome one's daughter, or anyone else for that matter, back once they have left Judaism, but have returned, it is important to note that this return must be heart-felt and sincere. If the person comes back simply out of necessity, rather than sincerity, they are deceiving you and themselves. Further, the current year has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not it is acceptable to intermarry. Anonymous Madrid, Spain via chabadpuertorico. Is it not important for her to be happy? As parents, one wants the best for their children. However, at one point one must cut the umbilical cord and allow them to make their own decisions. Be concerned if the guy is a bad influence or is taking her down a bad path with unethical actions that have negative consequences. It is 2007, interfaith is occurring and in many instances working. Give it a chance. I don't believe I ever read in the Torah to not give others an opportunity. Intermariage Please remember that every person and every religion has a bright side and a dark side. If your daugter marries this man and you show him hostility and intolerance, he most likely will NEVER embrace Judaism, and you are likely to turn your daughter off, too. Love your son-in-law as yourself as he is your neighbor. If you express your faith lovingly by showing this couple respect, it is FAR MORE LIKELY that your grandkids will get a Jewish education. And who knows, if you are lucky, this man may even decide to convert and become a Jew himself! Hang in there, and stay positive! Anonymous Fort Collins, CO June 27, 2007 My daughter also... This is important because throughout history the Catholics have persecuted the Jews many, many times. That said, I decided to let her fly and see where she landed.... Her boyfriend has begun learning more about Judaism, and is very respectful of it. He speaks out openly against any kind of anti-semitism. She, my daughter, has become more observant of Jewish law, and is beginning to lean back in our direction... The future is still uncertain, but perhaps, just perhaps, they both will come back to Judaism, eh? Anonymous Fort Collins, CO June 27, 2007 Offensive? Dear Anonymous who is offended by the quote: Please realize that this does not mean what you think it does. When you have been with your Jewish girlfriend long enough and have learned something about our religion you may begin to understand. Suffice it to say, love is not just love, there ARE other factors involved, especially for a Jew. We take on many, many more responsibilities than you have, and we, many of us, take them seriously. If you wish to stay with this girl, you would do well to start respecting her religion and her father. I am non-Jewish and my girlfriend is Jewish. There is nothing wrong with that and you should just accept whatever her decision is. Max June 19, 2007 So, what do you say to the children when they see a Menora and a christmas tree around the same time of year in the same house? Maybe he is a good guy, G-d willing but the point is the survival of Judaism. How can we pass on our religion and ways of life if there is contradiction in the family? Who is to say that the husband would want their children getting a religious education? I say this because the other has been a respectful lover of both the Jewish faith and culture before and during our entire marriage. In addition, it is the non-Jew who has ensured that our home is blessed, by practicing and celebrating Jewish traditions and ensures that the children are firecely proud of and defend Israel. I believe that any child of mine would be honored to have such a marriage. Open your heart first, and then your doors. You will be blessed and so will your house. Seek your daughter's forgiveness after you forgive yourself. You have yourselves raised a woman who is a good Jew. She will raise good Jews. Anonymous May 29, 2007 Sometimes it happens that no matter how much you fight something, it is still going to turn out the way it will turn out. I read in one of Miriam Adahan's books, which are excellent from the perspective of an Orthodox Jewish psychologist, that when things are out of your control, it is G-d's Will that it be that way. When you have done what you can and it is still not the way you want it to be, it's G-d's Will that it be that way. Sometimes it will take just a little time, sometimes it will take a lot of time, but just stop fighting it.

I told her that I trust her judgment but she knows me. Youre not going get him saved, Im telling you. Not because of that he's a paki and a muslim. The only exception would be el to school or any other classes she attends. Thats not to say theres no chance he will be a complete prick either but perhaps you,ll be pleasantly surprised. She's a cute girl, and I think any guy would want to be with her. What responsible do you speak of here. However from what I know about Morocco they are pretty cosmopolitan, however its really a matter of the guy you are dating. Islam and Catholicism are similar and you don't have to convert to islam.

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released December 11, 2018

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teolaubretes Shreveport, Louisiana

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